did you get engaged???
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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