In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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