So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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