she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
