New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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