the condom got lost in my hair
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
