If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
