Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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