Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
