Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
