really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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