Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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