Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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