so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
