how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Say something about gay babies.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
