Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
