He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Houston, we have a blender
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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