he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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