I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
