Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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