my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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