she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
