imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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