4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
