well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
