Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
