They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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