I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
