He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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