wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
