what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
