I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
