Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
