I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
