When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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