Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Boobs speak an international language.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
