I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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