I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
