she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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