That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
