i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
