He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize