So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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