Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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