i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
