You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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