Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
