I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
