found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
