My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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