I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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