I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
