She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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