just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
