R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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