I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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