Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
