I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
