I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
