i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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