I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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