i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish you could order shots online.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
